Words from the beating heart

Baby,

Everyday i fought, just to get through the day without the thoughts of you. But i failed.
With each breathing moment, i told myself to stay strong, that this pain will soon be gone. But failed again. At times, i am furious that why is my heart is so stubborn. That why after you chose to leave me, it chose to still love you unconditionally.
Time doesn't heal, time doesn't numb, time is just time. it's been 5 months, and i found myself still standing where you left me. I'm suffering. i know i'm supposed to control my feelings and emotions, but at the end of the day i gave in and allow myself to feel that pain again. Cuz its so overwhelming and i know its a fight i cannot win.
but baby, i do not blame you for all these. I blame myself for failing to make you understand that i love you for who you are, i love you for your flaws, your ego, your imperfections,and everything about you. That i also failed to show you that when i fell in love with you, i am also learning how to love the person i found, I never wanted a perfect lover. It is how you see past all the flaws and still want to be together. It is how we motivate each other and grow together to be a better person, a better couple. But now, i guess we are not on the same page anymore, and I am sorry i made myself so easily disposable.
Well good nite baby.
Have fun at the beach.
I love you.

Love.
Rui

l.o.v. e.

baby,

You can break my heart a thousand times,

But none of that makes me love you any lesser.

Loving you is like breathing...

Is like how my heart beats...

Is like how the sun rises..

It's natural...

I love you, always..

Rui

My baby is home!

Welcome home baby!

I'm so glad you had fun during this trip.

When you're happy, I'm happy.. 

Love is that simple.. 

I love you.. 

Rui

Skeptical

Stop assuming. Stop placing your reality on mine.

The fact is, only i will know whats best for me,so stop deciding for me.

What are you so afraid about? it seems to me like it's not me who can't let go, it's you.
Avoiding this, avoiding that, thinking way to much.
I am all for being friends, but friends don't act like strangers, friends are not distant.
So is this mature? is this sensible?

Its not a form of sacrificing, its stupidity.
It doesn't make you noble, it probably lose you someone who genuinely cares for you.

whats beautiful stays beautiful...

8/24/12 1:17:30: You: I wanna register first b4 any1 take u away frm me.
8/24/12 1:18:07: Rui Michelle: Hehe... Baby say one ah
8/24/12 1:18:37: You: Put deposit first can ah?
8/24/12 1:18:41: Rui Michelle: No ones gonna take me away la baby... U did that along time ago
8/24/12 1:18:57: Rui Michelle: What kinda deposit first?
8/24/12 1:20:23: You: 0.000000000000001 carat
8/24/12 1:21:21: Rui Michelle: Wow so much ahhhhhh!
8/24/12 1:21:54: You: It's so small it's invisible
8/24/12 1:22:18: Rui Michelle: With or without any karat ill still marry u baby
8/24/12 1:23:24: Rui Michelle: Cz I can only see my future wit u
8/24/12 1:29:24: You: Baby...
8/24/12 1:29:46: You: Thanks for walking into my life with ur candy cane.

beautiful note

Hey baby,

Do you remember?

At the 6th month of our relationship, you wrote me a beautiful note along with a box of chocolates..

You said:

'In this half a year, there's not one day that my mind is absent of your face. You bring tranquility in me. And you brought joy into my life. You complete me.
I wouldn't change this, what we have, for anything. And i hope, wait.. rephrase.. i'm sure our love will keep growing.  but i do wanna be only yours.'

It still brings smiles to my face everytime i read it, and i can still feel your love baby. Today, as I wrote this post, I am not angry nor i am sad, but full of gratitude and gratefulness that i ever made you feel this way. This separation made me love you even deeper, and it strengthens my faith that one day baby, you will find your way home to me.

And i know while focusing on us, I have forgotten to love myself, hence it imposed stress on you, but i want you to know, my love was never to impose suffocation to you. Its nothing but that.

I have made use of this time, to learn about self love, to control my emotions, and to connect to my inner self as well. I learnt that we are responsible of our own happiness.

And baby, I'm sure you too, have found a way to make peace with yourself. That it doesn't matter what people say about you as long as you are comfortable with yourself. That as long as you love yourself, it will be enough. And there is no need to impose unnecessary stress and responsibilities on yourself. I am glad that you now think in a more positive way, i am so proud of you baby.

Remember, i'm not going anywhere, I am just 2 steps behind you.

Love,
Rui



 

Thank you baby

 Thank you baby, for being independent and strong. Even thou at times I really wish to share your burden.

 Thank you baby, for hugging me from the back when we sleep. You make me feel safe and belong.

Thank you baby, for looking ways to improve my skin condition. I love you for that.

 Thank you baby, for knowing what I need and for pampering me with gifts from time to time. 

   Thank you baby, for making the effort to spend festive seasons with me, just you being with me is more than enough. 

  Thank you baby, for not fighting or trying to provoke fights with me, I love how mature you are.