time to face it, coward

this is the moment that i've been waiting for and afraid to face at the same time.
confession, is really a bitch. it makes my heart race so damn fast.
it makes breathing seems damn hard. it makes me wonder am i doing the right thing.
but i know, this is wat i gotta do. oh gosh...
i used to be brave, i used to have all my guts, i used to dive in whenever i want to.
but now.. i got so timid, i'm afraid to face my feelings, i'm a coward.
n right now, i knew i couldn't hide it any longer, its time to let it out.
i hope for the best. God bless.

Miss you like crazy

i miss u once in a while
i miss u once we're apart..
i miss u when u're gone
i miss u after we said goodbye..

i miss u day and night
i miss u even though we dun fight
i miss u when u left
i miss u cuz u're coming back

i miss u and its a fact
i miss u till i slept
i miss u cuz my heart misses u
i miss u cuz my mind thinks of u

i miss u like all the time
i miss u and i'm counting the time
i miss u like crazy
i miss u cuz missing u makes me lazy

i miss u in so many ways
and i do hope,
u're d same...

thoughts

it has been an unforgettable few days with u.. i can feel the connection between us is stronger now.. those small little moments meant alot to me.. but den again, should i tell u? hmmm... or should i keep it this, letting things flow on its own.. its been 15 hours, n i guess... i miss u already..

dun leave?

glad that u're back.. i'm more den happy to see u, we hanged out.. i enjoyed joking with u... i guess its more den enuf dis way.. n the fact tht in the cinema, the natural way of us sitting so close... in the sense of a little bit of body contact, it felt comfortable..
i dun know whether i'll ever tell u dat i do like u.. cuz i'm unsure whether do i want more den that or not.. despite of my own selfishness dat i wan u for myself, i think i do need to spare a thought for u as well. wat if everything changed after that? i'm sick n tired of ppl coming in n out of my life, i'm tired that after letting them in, but in the end all they wanna do is leave.. aren't u sick of these?
God send these ppl for a reason, and for what reason i think its up to me to figure it out.. but theres got a way to keep them from leaving rite?

PAL

people always leave... ALWAYS!
i hate it when people leave... sometimes, i wonder shld i care so much for them, cuz in the end, they are gonna leave eventually.. human beings are fucking selfish animals...

no title blogpost

finally done with my final exam, that marks the end of my uni life as well. now, its all about working, earning money to support myself. i'm on my own from now on. sounds scary thou. KL, a place where i can be free, where the opportunities are. we'll see what will i become in 1 year.. i hoped for the best.

well well well, u.. wat can i say, i'm confused with wat i wanna do. i am not sure whether i wanna confess, or keep things this way? the biggest part, is that i'm afraid things might change once the secret is out. what if i misunderstand why god send u? His true meaning. how am i supposed to figure out? wat if He sent u, jz to be by my side, but nth else? wat if i screw dis up? i will never forgive myself.
so many times, my dreams reflected what i dared not do in real life, with u. this is what happens when ur heart and ur mind clashes. the fact is, i'm not as brave as before anymore.
well, anyway, ur bthday is coming up. lets hope u have a memorable one aite?
-ben dan-

gosh

omg. u looked so delicious tonight.. hard to resist le...
i'm so gonna dream about u again, even thou u'll be sleeping beside me..
oh gosh...

another song

music n lyrics by: rui

I spent my days

right beside you
keeping my faith
though my chances are few

I wonder, u know
how i felt about you
I wonder, if you already knew
that u're heart-skips-a-beat
breath taking material

everytime i look at you
my heart wants to say what i really feel
the words would come but my mouth is sealed
oh baby, if you really knew...

i spent all day
thinking about you
holding my breath
i'm nervous its true

I wonder, u know
how i felt about you
I wonder, if you already knew
that u're heart-skips-a-beat
breath taking material

everytime i look at you
my heart wants to say what i really feel
the words would come but my mouth is sealed
oh baby, if you really knew...

its torturing
its killing me slowly
dun you know, in my eyes,
is where you belong

i dunno know why?

i know now, it was my expectations..
its my weakness. i tend to expect them to live up to the expectations on the image i perceived them to be. that is y, i felt this way. that is why, it hurts. that is why, i'm feeling so down, so lost, so emo.
i tried to change this part of me and tried to like them for who they are. but i guess i need time to adapt, or not.. i don't know, i'm confused, i'm devastated.
the pain has been going on since yesterday, n it doesn't get any better at all. its not supposed to hurt this way. i tried to slow things down. i controlled my feelings. i hid it all. but WHY?! am i still facing this? WHY?

why?

sitting 2 meters away from u, u're using my computer. n i'm scared. there is a link to dis blog. if u ever happened to see my blog, i m seriously gonna kill myself.
for the first time, i saw u drunk yesterday.. for the first time, i dun like what i see in the club.. for the first time, i feel intimidated. okay, i know, i'm in no position to feel this way.. but.. its jz the way u make me feel..
no matter how many times u're gonna get drunk, i will be there... sometiems i wonder itz jz me or are they all d same? i'm too paranoid(thx to my mum)? or i care too much? or i'm just no player material? HY used to tell me, if u wanna play, den u can't care too much.which is probably true oso.
seriously i shouldn't let this get to me. and when ppl are drunk they can't even take care of themselves, how can i expect u to care for my feelings rite? and it is very common for ppl to get drunk,den y do i dislike the ppl that i like to get drunk? why do i look at them in a way that they can't control themselves? i think, maybe i do have a problem here..

no. i am not gonna leave u

me: if i day i stopped nagging u, u will start to miss it.
you: yih! y? are u gonna leave me?
me: of cuz not, dun ever think this way.
you: i think so too. u wont bear to part with me.

and i was like awwwwwww.....

me: i was jz saying if ever 1 day.. den u will beg me to nag at u..
you: i wont.
me: don't be so sure. maybe u will. its jz a way of me showing how i care for ppl ard me.
you: yala yala. papi lo..

and i was like.. *speechless*

New business model of Google

Teow Sinn Rui 1051108844

Over the years, Google has developed a totally new business model. As we all know, Google is a search engine; it provides search result by enabling us to type in whatever we intend to search for. It is now the world most leading search engine which has 64% of total search market.

Google’s business models are 1) relevancy of results, 2) speed of search, and 3) lost of executing a search query. Google consists of a mix of smart decisions, excellent market strategy, great advisers, high innovative and risky business model and great products.

Google has a clean, simple, clear and minimalistic user interface. It is so simple to use, therefore it is suitable for all ages. Unlike other search engines that are full of confusion, useless features and useless links. They are full of annoying banner ads which are heavy and slow to load. Search engines which are difficult to use will cause users to stop using it.

Ad work is Google’s unique method for selling online advertising. They generate income through pay per click. Google will receive a certain amount of revenue whenever users click on the advertisement while using Google’s website.

To Google, we users are their product, whereas the advertisers are google’s customer. Google sells the users to the advertisers by providing them access to users. Therefore, by improving the users, they are actually improving their products. For example, Google latitude, which enables us to share our location with friends.

another random one

i might be falling, i might be suppressing myself from falling.. but whatever it is now, i knew somehow, it's beyond my control.. i like u, alot.. i'm not going to deny it.. its been 1 month plus since i know u, n look where we are now, it is going so much faster den i expected.. thou we didn't go beyond frens, its tormenting but in a good way.. i am actually enjoying it even more den before.. cuz everytime something new happens, it surprises me, its like experiencing something new for the first time, the feeling of ups and downs, and that is what u made me feel.. how i wish i could make u feel dis way too..

so many times, when u looked me in the eye, i wanna know what it means..

trying to see what is beneath those eyes

its dat stare again! it was the same stare that keeps me guessing, till now. what is this? i have asked myself a thousand times by now, but i guess there is no exact answer to this question. it can be anything, and i don't wanna find out.
why? cause i am enjoying myself during stages like this, i want to keep guessing but on the same time being aware that i stand only a 50 50 chance. its fine, its all right, instead of taking a big step, why not take a few small steps which will eventually become a big one?
sometimes, it is the process that matters but not the outcome, even for me, the outcome can be disappointing, well i guess that's just life.

slowing down the process might just be what i need right now. cuz 'nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy'.

人，一个烦字

你说，若有情人，你会比较重视朋友。
听了这一句话，突然间，有一种复杂的心情。
只知道，若自己要被你重视，是不是不能做情人？
还是保留着偷偷喜欢你的秘密，继续守在你身边？
这些问题，我不想去想，更不想去寻找它的答案。

ahhhh!! i'm so dead

are you missing me too? gosh i have no idea why i'm feeling dis way. not a good idea, for spending too much time together.. not good for me.. i feel so restless

its been 10 hours,but i guess i missed u already.

curiosity

i'm curious, what is playing in your mind. right now, i really hoped i do have the ability to read people's minds. u're sitting right next to me, but i really don't know what r u thinking. curiosity of mine, fighting against my will of not wanting to know everything so soon. i wanted this to be different from others, i wanna wait, i wan the truth to surface on its own accord. it shouldn't be so soon. we had alot of great time together, i enjoy having you around and this might be enough. they say, dun expect too much, cuz once u do, the disappointment is more. *dunno how to end dis post* peace out..

no rush

for the first time, i realized that there is no need to rush but to enjoy the process and get to know someone better. i felt more comfortable this way, there is no need to pretend, i can be who i am and just have fun. enjoy spending time with the person u like without thinking where it'll bring us. following the flow, take each day as it comes, it is a great feeling. thou i really do feel exited when i'm with dat someone, but not knowing what will happen keeps me looking forward. at least, it keeps me happy, it makes me ponder and smile for no reason. being in a situation like dis, might be a blessing after all. i'm pretty much sure i'm not in a denial mode, there is no disappointment, there is no agony. relationship or not, it doesn't matter at all. i dun wanna rush i dun wanna force it. cuz i know, if it is meant to be, eventually it will be.

时间

和你相处，
你总是让我有心跳的感觉。
不知道，是我隐藏得好，还是你看不出来。
总之， 我不想吓坏你。

我需要时间了解你

flames

so many times, we have crossed paths.. studying in d same school, knowing the same friends, being in the same place.. and yet, i didn't notice, i didn't know, that you were there. timing, is really unexpected and unpredictable. under circumstances, i got to know u. it makes joining the event worthwhile. it's really funny how God works. we always say that He does something for a reason.. and slowly, as time goes by, we need to figure it out by ourselves by experiencing it. how would i know by helping out my friend, in return i gained so much more?
how u caught my eye is something i couldn't explain, the way u brought urself makes me wanna know u more. i don't expect u to feel d same way as i do, but at least you gave me a chance to get to know u, n its enough.. it really is.. for all i know, u could be another angel sent by God to be in my life, no matter for what reason, i'll accept it with open arms..
i thank God for everything He had planned for me. and forever i will.. thank you Lord~

A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle
when the candle burned out,
all u need is another candle, another flame
to light up the darkness.

Question: Are you willing to be that new flame?

a random post

was it really love? or jz loneliness triggers my mind to think that i still love u? but why, out of so many people i could have thought of, i think of u? is it because i missed the closeness? the intimacy? or my mind is just playing tricks with me again?
however, i do not have the exact answers to these questions.. complicated, i'm trying to figure it out... everytime when someone new comes by, it took my mind off u.. it could be temporary, it could be permanent... i don't know... now to think of it, i dun really know u anymore..

国强，一路顺风

突然，有感而发，想起当年在学记度过的日子。
当年的我们，只有16岁，大家同心协力把学记队带向另外一个高峰。当时的我们，个个都是那么有冲劲，那么雄心勃勃。每个星期，都到报馆报道，开会，筹备活动。为的，是让学记队一年比一年出色。甚至连郊区的学记，不惜乘搭一小时多的巴士，来报管报道。大家一起工作，一起办营，无形中建立了一段-友谊。渐渐的，大家变得不陌生了。慢慢的，大家团结了起来。然而，多年以后，各自有了不一样的生活，往不同的方向驶去。工作的工作，深造的深造，相信大家心里，仍然有着对学记的这一份感情。
我们十七届的国强哥，就要到瑞士深造啦！大家都为他叙别，见到多年不见的朋友，仍然都没有距离的谈了起来。大家、有说有笑，嘘寒问暖，仿佛又回到了当年。更可贵的是，前辈学记，后辈学记，也出席了。

是学海，让我们相识，相知，相惜。
是学海，把我们紧紧地拉在一起。
是学海，让我们拥有了这一段友谊。
是学海，让我们拥有了这一段美好的回忆。
学海，是我们永远的家。
谢谢你，学海。

国强，你要好好的照顾自己。一路顺风。

坏人，你敢爱吗？

faded memories of u and i, came flooding in when i bumped into u again, i asked myself, how can this be? are u a good guy? am i doing the right thing? under the conditions of uncertainties, i wish i knew what to do...

u can bring me up, or u can bring me down, u can make me happy, u can disappoint me.
i wonder, if i step off that edge, if i leave dis comfort zone of mine, will i end up in happiness or agony?

Dear Lord, i'm lost n helpless, i need a direction... i turn to u, for advise, for salvation... for You are my God, my everything Lord.. lead me, guide me, show me the way... tell me what to do...

我不爱你了

我做错了吗？
爱你，疼你，关心你，错了吗?
不想你伤心难过,所以安慰你.
至少当全世界背叛了你,你还有我.
但你,却把我拒于千里之外.甚至说我假惺惺.
这些我都算了,毕竟也不是第一次了.
然而,我是多么想念当初的你.

乘经, 你是我的太阳,给我温暖.
乘经, 你是我的太阳,给我希望.
而当你离开的时候,你把太阳,问暖,和希望都一起带走了.
剩下的, 我的世界, 就只有一片黑暗.

我靠着自己的力量,
慢慢的,一步一步走出你的阴影,
因为我知道, 太阳不会再照亮着我,
我的世界,也不会因你而再次地恢复.
我只有我自己.我只能靠我自己.
每当向朋友倾诉,
他都会说,当没有了全世界,你还有自己.
你要为自己而活,不是为别人.
爱人,但要更爱自己.
听了,我有听.

你,趁经是我的全部, 是我的唯一, 是我的最爱.
不过,你也是伤我最深的人,
令我伤心难过的人, 令我又爱又恨的人.
终有一天,我会大声地告诉你 "我不爱你了"

naive vs stupidity

am i naive? or its jz plain stupidity?
hmm.. definitely theres something to ponder...
but one thing is for sure..
to make u n i a better person,
there are sacrifices to be made...
no matter how much i want you back

stupid or wise?

is it even possible that i should keep my feelings all to myself from now on?
i know it ain't gonna do any of us any good anyway
kept finding for an excuse to make myself believe that u had given up on me long time ago,
so that i won be having reasons to feel for u. am i stupid? or is it the wise way??
to get over u.

rainbows n butterflies

if u want a rainbow,
u gotta put up with a lot of rain.

so, my question here: are u willing to be my umbrella??

is it too much much to ask?

here i am.. wondering, pondering, how things changed so much in so little time.
is it possible? to stop loving someone whom u always loved? i tried and i thought i did it. but the truth is, i'm not over it.. n i had been lying to myself. n now, i'm back, i think about u even more than i used to when i'm elsewhere. those dreams, those flash backs, they scared me, so much to the extend that i think i'm going crazy. but i know somehow, it is impossible for u to love me back anymore. it stopped, maybe long time ago. and it hurts so much to even think about that. honestly, despite of what kind of person u are, i still n do love u. but i guess u wldn't care less about how i felt about u, am i right?
thats right, i fell deep. i hate the fact that i enjoyed having u around, n the fact that i still do.
i remembered the day, how it happened for the first time i was being drawn to u, it was after 3 months knowing u. i felt the flames going in me, i was terrified by it as i know its gonna lead me to something else, i dared not face it. but in the end, eventually i gave in to it. know y? cuz ever since that moment, i can't stop thinking bout u n i can't help feeling the way i feel. the connection was so strong, n thruout the months, i patiently stayed by ur side, without letting my feelings be known. i didn't know how u felt for me back then, i was scared i ruined things. however, never in my wildest dreams, i learnt that u felt the same way too. that was when the waves come flooding in, my affection for u got stronger, day by day. and those were the best times of my life. we fought, we made up. so many times. but yet we were okay. those heart breaking moments, those tears would immediately stop when u break a smile. and the truth is, you really got a smile that could light up this whole town. and it was the smile, that made me stronger, that gave me warmth, that makes everything i do worthwhile.
if i could turn back the time, n unwind our fights that brought us here today, i would. cuz never for a second in my life, that i regretted loving you. what i regret, was having that fight wit u. that was a mistake, the worst mistake that i ever made... i wish i could tell u that, knowing it might be just to late, but is it too much to ask? for u to just listen...