Words from the beating heart

Baby,

Everyday i fought, just to get through the day without the thoughts of you. But i failed.
With each breathing moment, i told myself to stay strong, that this pain will soon be gone. But failed again. At times, i am furious that why is my heart is so stubborn. That why after you chose to leave me, it chose to still love you unconditionally.
Time doesn't heal, time doesn't numb, time is just time. it's been 5 months, and i found myself still standing where you left me. I'm suffering. i know i'm supposed to control my feelings and emotions, but at the end of the day i gave in and allow myself to feel that pain again. Cuz its so overwhelming and i know its a fight i cannot win.
but baby, i do not blame you for all these. I blame myself for failing to make you understand that i love you for who you are, i love you for your flaws, your ego, your imperfections,and everything about you. That i also failed to show you that when i fell in love with you, i am also learning how to love the person i found, I never wanted a perfect lover. It is how you see past all the flaws and still want to be together. It is how we motivate each other and grow together to be a better person, a better couple. But now, i guess we are not on the same page anymore, and I am sorry i made myself so easily disposable.
Well good nite baby.
Have fun at the beach.
I love you.

Love.
Rui

l.o.v. e.

baby,

You can break my heart a thousand times,

But none of that makes me love you any lesser.

Loving you is like breathing...

Is like how my heart beats...

Is like how the sun rises..

It's natural...

I love you, always..

Rui

My baby is home!

Welcome home baby!

I'm so glad you had fun during this trip.

When you're happy, I'm happy.. 

Love is that simple.. 

I love you.. 

Rui

Skeptical

Stop assuming. Stop placing your reality on mine.

The fact is, only i will know whats best for me,so stop deciding for me.

What are you so afraid about? it seems to me like it's not me who can't let go, it's you.
Avoiding this, avoiding that, thinking way to much.
I am all for being friends, but friends don't act like strangers, friends are not distant.
So is this mature? is this sensible?

Its not a form of sacrificing, its stupidity.
It doesn't make you noble, it probably lose you someone who genuinely cares for you.

whats beautiful stays beautiful...

8/24/12 1:17:30: You: I wanna register first b4 any1 take u away frm me.
8/24/12 1:18:07: Rui Michelle: Hehe... Baby say one ah
8/24/12 1:18:37: You: Put deposit first can ah?
8/24/12 1:18:41: Rui Michelle: No ones gonna take me away la baby... U did that along time ago
8/24/12 1:18:57: Rui Michelle: What kinda deposit first?
8/24/12 1:20:23: You: 0.000000000000001 carat
8/24/12 1:21:21: Rui Michelle: Wow so much ahhhhhh!
8/24/12 1:21:54: You: It's so small it's invisible
8/24/12 1:22:18: Rui Michelle: With or without any karat ill still marry u baby
8/24/12 1:23:24: Rui Michelle: Cz I can only see my future wit u
8/24/12 1:29:24: You: Baby...
8/24/12 1:29:46: You: Thanks for walking into my life with ur candy cane.

beautiful note

Hey baby,

Do you remember?

At the 6th month of our relationship, you wrote me a beautiful note along with a box of chocolates..

You said:

'In this half a year, there's not one day that my mind is absent of your face. You bring tranquility in me. And you brought joy into my life. You complete me.
I wouldn't change this, what we have, for anything. And i hope, wait.. rephrase.. i'm sure our love will keep growing.  but i do wanna be only yours.'

It still brings smiles to my face everytime i read it, and i can still feel your love baby. Today, as I wrote this post, I am not angry nor i am sad, but full of gratitude and gratefulness that i ever made you feel this way. This separation made me love you even deeper, and it strengthens my faith that one day baby, you will find your way home to me.

And i know while focusing on us, I have forgotten to love myself, hence it imposed stress on you, but i want you to know, my love was never to impose suffocation to you. Its nothing but that.

I have made use of this time, to learn about self love, to control my emotions, and to connect to my inner self as well. I learnt that we are responsible of our own happiness.

And baby, I'm sure you too, have found a way to make peace with yourself. That it doesn't matter what people say about you as long as you are comfortable with yourself. That as long as you love yourself, it will be enough. And there is no need to impose unnecessary stress and responsibilities on yourself. I am glad that you now think in a more positive way, i am so proud of you baby.

Remember, i'm not going anywhere, I am just 2 steps behind you.

Love,
Rui



 

Thank you baby

 Thank you baby, for being independent and strong. Even thou at times I really wish to share your burden.

 Thank you baby, for hugging me from the back when we sleep. You make me feel safe and belong.

Thank you baby, for looking ways to improve my skin condition. I love you for that.

 Thank you baby, for knowing what I need and for pampering me with gifts from time to time. 

   Thank you baby, for making the effort to spend festive seasons with me, just you being with me is more than enough. 

  Thank you baby, for not fighting or trying to provoke fights with me, I love how mature you are. 

gratitude

Thank you baby, for being so talented in what you do. That is what I love about you and your passion.

Thank you baby, for being there for me thru good and bad times. I love you for encouraging me.

Thank you baby, for having those puppy eyes, it’s the kind that I can stare at and fall in love with every second.  And I still do.  

Thank you baby, for having that unique aura that attracts me to wanna still be with you, always.

Thank you baby, for existing in my life, and I wanna thank your parents for bringing you into this world.

Thank you baby, for being so easy to love. I am still eager to see us grow stronger together as a couple.  

grateful for you

Thank you baby, for being my motivation and drive, for making me wanna do better, for myself and for us. 

Thank you baby, for loving me for me, for always being so understanding, for being so patient with me, you’re my soul mate and I hope you can give us another try. 

 Thank you baby, for being in my life and always making me laugh. I hope in the future we will always be that way, and me too will wanna be the one that makes you laugh. 

Thank you baby, for always being so supportive for things that I wanna do and I will be your support as well. 

Thank you baby, for being so cute always. You have my heart and will always do.

Hey baby,

I appreciate your kind heart. The way you never get mad at me, instead you tried to reason out things with me in a mature way. That is probably why we don't fight.
I do enjoy the peacefulness between us. you're a beautiful soul, u know that?

I love you.

Rui

hey baby,

New photos can be taken
New memories can be created
New feelings can be developed
New places can be discovered
New ideas can be found

I have faith in you.. Don't give up..

I love you. and after all these while, when we meet, i still manage to find something new to love about you. =)

Yours,
Rui

hey baby,

I am getting better. Just so when you return to me, i am ready.

When i miss you,  I think about the way you look at me, your puppy eyes, the way you smiled with your crooked teeth showing, the way your ears sticking out from your hair. Sometimes i just wished you see yourself the way i see you. you're beautiful to me, inside out.

I've never told you that you made a silly mistake on the painting, you drew a b#, and in music chords, there is no b#. but thanks to that silly mistake, it made me smile every single time i look at that drawing, cause that is the first painting you ever drew for me.

All these thoughts make me appreciate you even better, makes me grateful for everything we went through. So baby, you mean the world to me in so many ways.  

I don't blame you for all the pain i'm going through, i love you so much i have already forgiven you long time ago. I am grateful it happened, cause it shows that we both have something to fix and I'm working on it. i am doing everything i can. 

I'm sorry i cried again tonight baby. i tried my best to keep it in. I am getting better. 

Nobody is perfect, and i love you for who you are, i love every single cell in your body from head to toe, and i am thankful that it is you whom i love. Even if it means that i have to love you from afar. But it's all right, i have such strong faith that you will come home to me. When you do, its gonna be another amazing journey, even better then the one we had previously. i know it, i just do. =)

OWL always love you.

Love,
Rui
 

hey baby,

i have not given up on you, so please don't give up on yourself...

Hey baby..

I just want you to know regardless of whatever you are going thru right now, it doesn't make me love you any lesser

Sometimes i wish you would let me help you, get thru this together. i know you don't think i would understand, but i do. i am more mature then you think. You know you don't have to be that strong all the time, it's fine if things get tough and you break down and cry once in awhile. And i wanna be that person that you confide to.

i know you will eventually find yourself, and when you need me, i will always be there.
I would do anything for you, and you know that.

Don't give up baby, keep trying. I'll be 2 steps behind if ever u need me, i'm not going anywhere.

Always yours,
Rui + zebby

Hey baby,

Its been raining alot lately, usually we would snuggle in your bed, enjoying each others warmth.
We would watch a movie, or just enjoy messing up your bed.
I love how you tickle me, how you keep trying to annoy my ear, cause you know how sensitive my body is.
Most of all, i miss the way you acknowledged my presence, it has been so long since you looked at me with adoration, showing me that i belong with you. I know for a fact we do belong together, i just know.
and i know you tried to come back to me, well keep trying. cause i'm still waiting for you to tell me that you made a mistake, that you want this, that you want us..
2 years with you is not enough. not even 200 years.. if you want to make me your family, den make me your wife..

Well, good night baby, i love you..

Love,
Rui

remember our first time, you wanted me so badly you couldn't wait till cameron..

That moment, makes me the happiest girl on earth.

your passion, your affection towards me are beyond words can describe.

Thank you baby for making me feel that way back then.

I just wish it could have lasted.

I love you.

hey baby,

I woke up feeling like crap today. This pain just haunts me like every second of my life.

But if letting you go makes you happy, i would go thru this again and again.

Cuz i've never stopped loving you, and i doubt i will ever will..

Have a nice day thou.

Love you.

Always yours,
Rui

Dear baby,

I know you don't mean it.

Your heart is sick, you need to see a doctor.

Please recover soon. 

Always yours,
Rui

10/12/2011- Right before our first trip together

2011-12-10 01:18:33: YOU: No la if I dun sleep then got excuse to sleep in d car ma heheh 2011-12-10 01:20:08: ME: Owhhh... U not skef I kacau u if u sleep? I'll paint ur face
2011-12-10 01:21:22: YOU: U Pinjam me ur shoulder la huhu...
2011-12-10 01:21:40: YOU: Thn u cn paint whtevrr

No chance to paint your face till now.. but i'm looking forward to it... =)

First time feeding you roti canai

2011-12-09 01:59:23: YOU: Hungry liaw
2011-12-09 02:00:10: ME: Jz now dun wanna eat la.. Tsk tsk
2011-12-09 02:02:04: YOU: I like stealing Frm u mar
2011-12-09 02:03:47: ME: =) or u enjoy got ppl feed u?
2011-12-09 02:04:38: YOU: Mmmm.... Errr.... Tht also la.

Little things in life. It still make me smile everytime i think about it. And it makes the current situation bearable, makes me stronger...

I love you baby, and i have faith in you... Come back to me...

as long as you are willing to try, I am more than willing to love

Dear baby,

I don't mind to do whatever it takes to bring you back, as long as you still love me, theres still chance for us.
I love the way we are, and i have grown not too have too much expectations from you, cause you are one unique lover, and you have your own beautiful ways to show your love. What you have given me so far, is really enough for me to fall head over heals for you. My only wish is help you find your way back to me.
You said part of the reasons you fell for me, is cuz i'm considerate. And yes, I will be considerate enough to wait for you, to change and adapt myself to help you face your fears in this relationship.
All in all, if i can help you achieve your dreams, i will try my very best. and my dream, is to have you standing beside me when i succeed.
Our love is peaceful, and there is a price to pay to be peaceful, but as long as you are willing to try, I am more than willing to love.

All i need is for you to love me, in your own way, enough for me to know that you do

Deep down i know you're there baby, you're just lost and you need to find your way back home.
Just remember, when we started i gave you my heart to keep and my hand to hold.
If you're too lost, just recall everything we've been through and what made you love me in the first place..
You know, i really don't mind the little things, I did it cuz i enjoyed doing it for you. It doesn't mean you have to do the same for me. I don't need you to bake cakes for me, all i need is for you to love me, in your own way, enough for me to know that you do. And i will be very happy. It's that simple.

I am your companion, best friend and family, but i'm your lover as well.

It's not too late baby,
find your way back to me..

Turning negativity into a force that pushes me harder to achieving results. I hope by then, you will be proud of me..

Somethings Missing

Affection 

Passion

Adoration 

Connection

I miss you, baby..